Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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