We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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