Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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