i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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