She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
