I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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