At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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