I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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