please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
