Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
