She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
