you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
