I just made out with a guy for $7.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
