just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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