Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
