Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize