Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
