sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
