I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
