I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
