He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
