hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
