put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize