You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
