the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
