I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize