Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
