one two three fourrrrnication!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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