I want to walk on stilts...naked
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
