i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
