My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
