I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
