I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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