I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Pooping to opera.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
