Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
