Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
