just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize