I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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