My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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