If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
