So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
