i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
