The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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