so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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