There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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