The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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