Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
