we have officially lost it.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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