He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
