Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
