I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
