fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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