And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
