apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize