you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
