Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
