fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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