Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I could make wine with my vomit
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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