Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
