and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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