All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
