fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
