Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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