My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
